Every married couple envisions a lifetime of romance and bliss with the exchange of “I do’s” on their wedding day. The fabled, “…and they lived happily ever after.” And well they should.
Courtesy 123RF/Cathy Yeulet
The marriage relationship has the potential to be the most mutually beneficial, supportive, and fulfilling of all human relationships. But it isn’t guaranteed or automatic. It’s largely dependent on keeping the vow to stay committed to each other until death do us part.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to celebrate your marriage and refresh your commitment and skills. It’s necessary because everything drifts over time if we don’t give it attention and a bit of maintenance. And it’s worth it because it was God’s idea and meant to be the most fulfilling relationship in this life.
Courtesy 123RF/Ruslan Grigoriev
Gail and I celebrated 37 years of being married last December. It hasn’t always been rosy. We’ve learned a lot and know we need to keep learning.
Gail and I have long advocated weekly date times—especially for parents of young children. Busy parents know they need it and like the idea of a date away from the kids. The reality is most don’t make it happen because they’re too tired or busy.
Courtesy 123RF/Antonio Diaz
And if they are willing to carve out the time, a lack of discretionary money may be a hindrance. Couples often get discouraged by the false idea that dates have to be expensive.
Every married couple learns eventually how vital communication is to a healthy, growing, loving relationship. But great communication is a skill that’s a work in progress and takes a lifetime to master.
Communication is a 2-way street—both talking and listening. Like driving, adhering to a few rules and being mindful and respectful of others keeps traffic flowing safely and effectively.
I had the privilege recently of attending what I consider the one of the most amazing wedding ceremonies that I have ever seen.
Courtesy 123RF/Stephen McCluskey
It was not because of the decorations, the uniqueness of the ceremony, or the excitement of the bride and groom. It was not because the budget for this event was extravagant. This ceremony was definitely the quickest and simplest I have ever seen.
Raising a family is hard work. It’s not a weekend project. It’s years of diaper changing, potty training, cooking, laundry, helping with homework, music lessons and ball games, boy friend/girl friend drama. That’s all happening while trying to earn a living.
Andersen Thanksgiving 2015
Add to that regular one-on-one time with kids, finding time to date your spouse, having regular weekly family times. Then throw in birthday parties, family vacations, and holidays. Sheesh.
Our family loves the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. It’s filled with Andersen family memories and traditions. And we’ve got a bunch of them. I’m often saddened when I realize how many families have missed out on all that traditions can add to family spirit and culture.
Courtesy 123RF/antikainen
Some traditions are common to many; e.g., Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas trees. Some are handed down for generations. Others start with something unexpected yet are significant enough to be repeated.
Great marriages are made. And the things that make them great are the things that help keep them great. Even the best of marriages can deteriorate if a couple neglects little courtesies and acts of service and affection.
NOTE FROM KIRBY: I couldn’t give a bigger “Amen” to what Gail is about to share. I can honestly say that the biggest mistakes, especially financially, we’ve made over the years have been when not in agreement. And most were due to me either moving ahead unilaterally or talking her into something she really didn’t feel good about.
When we first got married, I remember being amazed that my husband and I had more differences than I’d realized. Even when it came down to little decisions, he wanted one thing and I wanted another.
Courtesy 123RF/Cathy Yeulet
Every newlywed couple is convinced they are so much alike. It can be a rude awakening—and scary—to realize they’re not. That’s not a bad thing. But each couple does need to learn how to work toward agreement in their marriage to prevent headache and heartache.
So much of life is serious. And rightly so—being safe, preparing financially for the future, building a business, raising kids. All serious matters.
Courtesy 123RF/Cathy Yeulet
But if you’re not careful, you can get too serious. Too serious gets heavy. Too serious drains energy. Too serious makes one cynical.
