Live Better. Love More.
Leave A Legacy.

“Shame on you!” Those were very common words of parents and others in authority when I grew up. I remember hearing them regularly. I don’t mean to dishonor those who said them—I know what most of them intended to communicate. But it wasn’t helpful—or healthy—no matter how well-intentioned.

Courtesy 123RF/choreograph

Parents, grandparents, or any authority figure saying, “Shame on you,” to a child is in response to some unacceptable behavior of the child. Other common versions are, “Bad boy! Bad girl!” Or, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Since I’ve been on Periscope (@gail_andersen) doing short scopes for moms (Mentoring Moments for Moms), I’ve gotten some great questions from those who are jumping on to the scopes.

Because they are issues that concern many parents, I wanted to share a few in case there are others who would benefit from hearing them.

In 1979, a proclamation was signed to declare that year as the International Year of the Child. The motivation was to draw attention to the problems that affected children around the world. While this motivation is very admirable, there has been a swing since then to focus on the needs of the child above the needs of the family as a whole. This has created more families that are child-centered, which is not necessarily a good thing.

Courtesy 123RF/elosa

At that time, I was at Iowa State University studying Child Development. I loved children, and had focused so much during my formative years on caring for and teaching siblings, neighbors, and other children at child care centers. So why would I not agree with centering so much attention on children as a whole?

Since we had five children that were homeschooled—and very close in age—we had many a year when toddlers were part of our homeschool experience. Typically, toddlers are active, demanding, and have a short attention span.

Courtesy 123RF/Olga Bogatyrenko

But many families have homeschooled older children while two, three, or four children play at Mom’s feet. It can be done!

This post title may bug you a bit, and you may not be aware why. It’s probably due to a prevailing assumption in our culture—and I believe one of the most damaging mindsets for building great families today. It is the premise that you can have it all.

Courtesy 123RF/Olena Yakobchuk

We have convinced ourselves that there is always a solution to getting more in our schedule or to have everything we want.

But there isn’t. And you can’t.

Since I’ve been on Periscope doing short scopes for moms, Mentoring Moments for Moms, I’ve gotten some great questions from those who are jumping on to the scopes. Because they are issues that concern many moms, I wanted to share a few in case there are others who would benefit from hearing them.

Courtesy 123RF/Robert Mizerek

There were many times in raising our children that I felt I wasn’t doing the best job. Mistakes happen, children make wrong decisions, I didn’t respond in a way I knew I should have, etc.

Courtesy 123RF/Cathy Yeulet

Even with homeschooling my children, there were many times I felt I was not doing a good enough job.

Such is the life of a mom—too often feeling we are not totally equipped to be the perfect example of motherhood.

Imagine playing ball in the front yard with your son. The ball rolls into the street. Your son begins to chase after it, unaware of an oncoming car. You call to your son to stop. Immediately, he stops dead in his tracks and turns back to look at you. At this point, the time you’ve taken to train him to obey you right away is worth it all.

Courtesy 123RF/Dmitri Mihhailov

Safety, of course, is a main reason why we teach our children to obey us right away. When they are in danger, we want to be sure they listen to our voice and heed the instruction.

When Gail and I ventured into educating our kids at home, we were mainly focused on teaching the normal curriculum common in most schools. It wasn’t long, however, before our perspective broadened dramatically.

Courtesy 123RF/Jozef Polc

We soon realized that their education wasn’t just the in-seat schoolwork for a few hours a day. All of life for us as homeschoolers became school. Every situation was a teaching opportunity.