It was almost immediate upon arrival in Paris—I was astounded by all the architectural and historical beauty. Paris is definitely a hard act to follow. But within a matter of hours, I noticed something else that was equally as gripping.
Where were all the overweight people?
One of the most rewarding activities I began with my children was to have a weekly discipleship time with them. I’m not even sure what prompted me to start this one-on-one time with each of them, but once I began, it was some of the most gratifying time for me as a mom.
Courtesy 123RF/HONGQI ZHANG
Discipleship time builds a great open relationship with your child, helps build great character traits, and gives them a basis for making decisions in line with values that you hold true. Although we are constantly teaching as we are going about our day, this discipleship time was a formal weekly personal connection with each child.
While on a day-long tour of the French countryside, another tour member struck up a conversation with Gail. “So, how long have you two been married.” Gail replied, “37 years.” After a pause, the woman then said, “And you’re still holding hands?!”
Courtesy LATeamCollective/David Costigan
It reminded us both that what we take for granted isn’t always the norm. Marriages lasting over 30 years are becoming more rare today. And those couples who do stay married for decades don’t always have a close relationship any more.
By the time this post gets published, Gail and I will have landed in Paris, France for a week that has been a long time coming!
I’ve tried to get Gail to travel to Paris—or anywhere overseas—all of our 37 years together. I’ll let her tell you below about her change of heart. But there is one lesson in this I’d like to highlight:
As a wife and mom, my attitude was not always perfect in regard to my husband and his role as a dad. Not that my husband wasn’t a great father—I just couldn’t always appreciate it.
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But during those times when I didn’t feel he was fulfilling all my expectations for his role with the kids, I needed to make sure my disappointments were not picked up by little ears.
Habits and routines are what produce the long-term results that really matter in our lives. I put a lot of energy into forming strategic routines for my goals and help others do the same. That’s the fun part.
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If that were all there was to it, we’d all be in great shape. The reality is we tend to lose momentum. A vacation, illness, or stressful season of life causes us to break stride. We miss a day or two, then longer, and eventually all the great momentum and satisfaction is a distant memory.
“Shame on you!” Those were very common words of parents and others in authority when I grew up. I remember hearing them regularly. I don’t mean to dishonor those who said them—I know what most of them intended to communicate. But it wasn’t helpful—or healthy—no matter how well-intentioned.
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Parents, grandparents, or any authority figure saying, “Shame on you,” to a child is in response to some unacceptable behavior of the child. Other common versions are, “Bad boy! Bad girl!” Or, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Since I’ve been on Periscope (@gail_andersen) doing short scopes for moms (Mentoring Moments for Moms), I’ve gotten some great questions from those who are jumping on to the scopes.
Because they are issues that concern many parents, I wanted to share a few in case there are others who would benefit from hearing them.
We’ve all dealt with more discouragement that we’d like to admit. Working hard toward a goal and running up against obstacles every step of the way. Trying to form a new habit yet defaulting into old behavior. Trying to help someone we care about yet without equal effort on their part.
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The thing about discouragement is that it never just happens all at once—it’s a process. And a relatively predictable one.
In my ebook, 7 Ways To Supercharge Your Family This Week, and in my personal coaching, I emphasize a few weekly events for families. These are the things that have produced in our family the relational gold we are most thankful for.
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Weekly habits such as meal time, couch time, family time, special time, date time.
