Guys, first of all—none of your wives paid me to write this. Although I suspect I’m going to make them grateful with this simple suggestion to you today.
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But my main motivation is to help you and your marriage with something that has helped me and my marriage. It’s simple to understand yet it will take some doing to make it a habit.
What thoughts come to mind when I mention the word ask? How do you feel about asking for something? Are you hesitant? In asking, do you feel you have to somehow lower yourself? Do you feel it means you’re weak, can’t do it on your own, or must be dependent on someone else?
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Consider what a young child’s attitude is when asking something of us. He asks without even a hint of uncertainty in his request. Why? He knows he is loved. He knows he is a priority. He is aware that he is not sufficient on his own. He has no issue with asking. He is free to ask without hesitation.
In his book, The Millionaire Mind, Thomas Stanley says, “Why are millionaires millionaires? Because they made the right decisions concerning several major issues in their life, and one of these is choice of spouse.”
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I recently wrote on how a supportive spouse, among other benefits, can increase your financial success. The biblical book of Proverbs says,
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
Those who enjoy a fulfilling marriage know it’s tough to overestimate its importance for overall success and happiness. And that includes financial success.
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That’s what the research of Thomas Stanley showed after surveying 733 millionaires. Considering a supportive spouse as very important for economic success was #4 on their list.
Sir Isaac Newton once said, “Tact is making a point without making an enemy.” Most of us have worked hard to make a point yet only to stir up an argument or damage a relationship in the process.
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One of the best skills I learned years ago at a marriage workshop was how to speak “I” language. It’s a language that’s easy to understand but it takes some effort to become proficient because it’s so counter-intuitive.
There is no better place to learn the art of cooperation than in marriage. And it’s not an option—not if you desire to experience all that marriage was designed to be.
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Cooperation in marriage is learning how to flow together. That can only happen over the long haul by showing love and respect for each other.
We’ve all been in that situation where you are attempting to convey something of importance and your spouse responds, “Do what now?”
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It can be pretty disappointing to have to repeat what you just said. This seems to happen more often with women downloading information to their man than it does the other way around.
Marriages that not only last a lifetime but get better have certain mindsets. One of those is confidence. Both are confident that God is at work in each other and will bring about better versions of themselves.
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What a great expectation! To think that the person we committed to for a lifetime will get even better is a bonus. And it’s reassuring when we start to realize that marriage brings challenges.
I recently wrote on the importance of continually growing in understanding of your spouse. Your commitment to that by building good communication skills is absolutely essential for a marriage than not only goes the distance, but just gets better.
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The next step beyond just gaining a clearer understanding of your spouse is this: choosing to elevate the needs/wants of your spouse above your own. Putting the needs of the other first.
For any relationship to last and get better, it requires good communication. This is most certainly the case in marriage. Marriages rise and fall on communication skills or lack thereof.
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Every couple knows this inherently. When dating, then spend a lot of time talking—learning about each other. If they’re smart, they will keep sharpening their communication skills.
Your marriage will only be as good as your communication skills.
