There is no greater need for solid leadership today than in the home. Parents need to intentional lead their family. And although that may seem obvious, it’s easier said than done.

Courtesy 123RF/Jozef Polc

I like what Edward, Duke of Windsor said about America: “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way the parents obey their children.” Parents, are you leading your children or are they leading you?

You are the divinely appointed authority in your home. But you need to intentionally use that to influence your kids. Know why you do what you do. It may translate a little different from home to home, but make sure your values are downloaded.

God emphasized this to the Israelites.

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NIV)

We lead our families by instilling values in everyday situations. You can’t leave this up to an hour or so on Sunday at church. It happens throughout the day, every day.

Gail and I haven’t done everything right in raising our kids but we have done a bunch of important things right that have paid off big-time. Here are a few ways we led our family intentionally. This doesn’t mean you have to do exactly the same thing but you’ll catch the drift.

1. We educated them at home. We wanted to be the greatest influence in their lives growing up so we made a decision early in our marriage to homeschool our kids. We did so when it wasn’t so common and we were considered “weird.” It’s not necessarily the right choice for every family but it was right for us. All of life was school and cultivated a lot of togetherness. We made the choice to be a one—income family so Gail could be home while they were growing up. We could’ve made more money but wouldn’t trade our experience for any amount of money.

2. We put family first. We made weekly family nights a priority to play games together. We made great vacation memories every year no matter what my income was. Our kids didn’t have a lot of individual lessons or extracurricular activities. There just wasn’t enough time in the day to do those and maintain our sanity.

3. We gave them a love of reading and learning. Gail read the entire Bible to each of them in their first year. We built a family library filled with great books. For a season, they didn’t get an allowance for housework—that’s part of being a family. They got their financial reward for reading books.

4. We gave them a love of music. They were exposed to great music of all genres. All learned to play at least one instrument and the majority have played regularly in church.

5. We made sure they knew our marriage was strong and priority. They saw us date regularly and we guarded our time together. We weren’t child-centered parents. Next to showing your love for God, the most important thing you can give your kids is the security of a loving marriage.

6. We ruled the roost. We set the standards. We determined bedtimes, TV shows they could watch, music they could listen to, friends they could hang out with. We didn’t tolerate bad manners, lying, or any form of rebellion.

7. We led them to grow up loving and serving God. Just because they were pastor’s kids, that didn’t mean they’d automatically honor God—you know the stereotype of the preacher’s kids. We didn’t neglect their spiritual growth while building a local church.

Gail and I have been passionate about helping others build strong families and lead their children to become all God created them to be. That includes getting involved in great schools and churches.

But make no mistake—it is not the school’s or church’s responsibility to lead your family or raise your children. It is your job! And you can do it well with God’s help.

Take the lead. Exercise your parental influence. Raise your kids purposefully.