So much of life is serious. And rightly so—being safe, preparing financially for the future, building a business, raising kids. All serious matters.

Courtesy 123RF/Cathy Yeulet

But if you’re not careful, you can get too serious. Too serious gets heavy. Too serious drains energy. Too serious makes one cynical.

We need to lighten the load every so often to keep the fun in life.

I served in several churches over the years. Ministry can become very serious—you’re dealing with people’s lives daily and often at difficult times. Weekly staff meetings were usually times to rally together for planning and troubleshooting. But I remember so often many of those meetings quickly turning flat-out silly. It would have burst a lot of bubbles in people’s minds. Yet it was so necessary to rally together by letting our hair down a bit to endure the load we were carrying.

It’s the same in marriage. A couple does well to balance the seriousness of life with a dose of silliness and fun.

Remember being with your best friend as kids? The special glue of your friendship was the fun, the goofiness, the giggling. It’s amazing how that also works in a marriage.

Gail and I laugh a lot. In private, we’re downright goofy. And even in public, we keep the fun, even if we have to be discreet.

If your marriage could use a bit more fun, consider the following:

1. Code words. Special relationships usually develop a secret language. Catch phrases, acronyms, everyday words or names that have hidden meaning. There’s something deeply intimate about speaking in code language that’s understood by only you two.

2. Inside jokes. These can be tricky because laughing openly about a hidden meaning among others can quickly become awkward. But catching your spouse’s eye or a subtle hand-squeeze reinforces your relationship. It’s something only you share together.

3. Just being silly. Acting goofy, talking silly, making each other laugh to the point you can hardly breath is really therapeutic in private. When you have to keep a certain image before your kids or in the public eye, it’s especially fun to be silly when alone.

4. Laughing with—not at—each other. As your relationship deepens, you naturally become more aware of each other’s tendencies and idiosyncrasies. Unless it’s embarrassing or a sensitive area, lovingly laughing with each other about those things can also build closeness.

5. Laugh off the past. As you build history together, you’ll have to deal with not-so-funny bumps. But given a little time, some of those memories can be laughed at. It can be healing and also reinforce lessons learned in a healthy way.

There’s no other relationship like that of a married couple. And one of the perks is having a closeness that allows for a special kind of fun. Take advantage of that. Learn to laugh together and even just be silly at times. It will make your marriage even better.