You’ve dreamed of being a wife and mother. Seen yourself in your cute casual clothes, every hair in place, makeup is perfect, floating gracefully through your home. You stop and check on the children who are playing together amiably in their room, giggling happily.

Courtesy 123RF/choreograph

The whole house is clean and everything is in place. The laundry is done and all neatly put away. Plenty of time to devote to whatever you want. What a perfect dream….

Back To Reality

Here you are with your brood of 3 little ones. Dirty dishes in the sink, bathrooms in need of a powerful scrubbing, toys and laundry strewn down the hall and throughout the bedrooms, children fussing with and chasing one another.

You catch yourself in the mirror as you pass—not a stitch of make up on, your hair begging for a comb, and you’re still in your flannel nightie! What happened to that dream you saw for so many years before you got married?

Help Needed!

At 30 years old, I found myself with five children ages 7 and under and had to learn to put this into practice incredibly fast. My husband was a pastor and did as much as he could, but his time was not always his own. Twenty-two loads of laundry a week, cleaning, meals, and taking care of the children was not going to happen without help.

And no, I do not mean a nanny or a housekeeper. That wasn’t an option as extra money went toward purchasing a mini-van so we could travel in one vehicle!

I needed help. And it was already available, just waiting to be released.

Your Child’s Inner Helper

Every child is born with a desire to please and to help mommy and daddy. Even a two year old will try to help clean a bathroom sink, unload dishes from the dishwasher, or fold (and unfold) laundry. This is the perfect time to begin to direct that inner helper in our children.

What is sometimes difficult is to take the time to allow them to help. Yes, the teaching process is not immediate. Yes, it must be done along with them several times so they understand the process. Yes, it may seem so much easier and faster to do the job by yourself. And yes, we do have to check up on the job. But if you deny this natural craving in a child, it may disappear altogether.

The 80% Rule

I can’t say I was always eager to let them do household jobs. After all, I wanted it done right! But I chose to lower my expectations in order to foster this desire in my children. I decided that if they could do the job 80% as well as me—maybe even less—it was worth it.

Sometimes I did choose to redo a job later when the children were in bed. But I soon realized that having help was better than having everything perfect. When I actually allowed my children to have a part in what it takes to keep up a household, life became easier for me. It’s all about the happy medium. To keep life at a sustainable pace.

Long-Term Benefit: Responsibility

Aside from the fact that everything isn’t dependent on mom doing it, we are also teaching our children shared responsibility as valuable members of a team.

Having jobs around the house fosters self-confidence and teaches them to be responsible. It gives us an opportunity to encourage them and reinforce their skills. It helps children to actually think about other people and the impact they have on the household.

If we will encourage, direct, and teach our children how to help, we have empowered them and created a more sustainable home life.

Age-Appropriate Jobs For Your Children

Parents often underestimate the desire of kids to help and their ability to learn. Here’s a list to help empower your child in a age-appropriate way. Adapted from: More Hours in My Day by Emilie Barnes.

2-3 year olds:

• Get dressed, put pajamas away
• Brush hair
• Brush teeth
• Make bed
• Fold clothes & small items
• Empty dishwasher (need help)
• Clear meal dishes
• Empty wastebaskets
• Pick up toys before bed

4-5 year olds:
All jobs above, plus…

• Set table
• Clean bathroom
• Help clean and straighten drawers & closets
• Clean up after pet
• Feed pet
• Walk dog
• Dust furniture in room
• Vacuum room
• Help put groceries away

6-7 year olds:
All jobs above, plus…

• Empty garbage
• Sweep walks
• Help in kitchen after dinner
• Help make lunch for school
• Schoolwork
• Clean out car
• Piano lessons, etc.

8-9 year olds:
All jobs above, plus…

• Wash bathroom mirrors
• Wash windows
• Wash floors in small areas

10 years and older:
All jobs above, plus…

• Wash car
• Mow lawn
• Make dessert
• Paint
• Clean refrigerator
• Do own laundry
• Yardwork
• Fix an entire meal
• Grocery shop